Break thus far

The past few days have been PACKED. I've had things to do every night, which has been good but also tiring! Three Christmas get togethers and one hang out with friends tonight. It has been a lot but it's been nice to see so many people. I've been sick so that made it a little harder to go out, but amidst the craziness I've had time to rest as well.

I'm trying to stay focused on the season and what this season means. It can get hard when there are tons of distractions, even if they're good distractions. I'm thankful that God is a good God and that he gave us Christ, the greatest gift of all. In church Doug talked about Christ being the most personal, intimate, and practical gift we could ever be given. I liked the reminder.

I'll be home for Christmas...

I'm home for Christmas! The 11 hour drive was good. I sang and talked and thought and then sang a lot more. The wood stove was burning when I walked into my house, which was perfect. Dad was super talkative tonight and we had some good conversations. Yay for being home and not having homework! Now I cannot wait to sleep in my bed.

My Harmon Home

My house is LOVELY thanks to Anne and Bethany! It is beautiful and warm and cozy and Christmasy. I walked in and felt so great. The candles were lit, the wreaths were hung, the lights were strung and the tree was up! I love living here.

What lovely friends I have

I really do love every woman I live with. I am so blessed to live in a house with them. God has taught me so much through them personally and also through my relationships with them. They are all so beautiful and God has given them each specific gifts. They each hold different passions that reflect the passions and loves of Christ. How truly blessed I am. You're all lovely.

I'm thankful

I'm thankful for puzzles and poems and the crispness of fall and bread and small groups and PRAYER and the Trinity and God's faithfulness and peace that can only come from Christ and guidance and victory and healing and community and support from my great friends and being able to support them and the fact that people are more important than homework.

Things i've learned this week

God is so good. Every time I need it, I'm reminded of who He is and His goodness. Who He is changes everything. The loans from Wells Fargo were bringing me anxiety and I started becoming anxious about a lot things; I felt like I just wasn't doing ENOUGH. I prayed about it, though, and knew I could trust God. He works all things together for my good. Thanks, God.

I've been challenged recently to love others better. Being in the house, there has been a lot of arguing and tense feelings. It's so easy to jump on the defense and argue. This is never the best way to handle a situation, and Philippians tells us not to argue. Love is not self-seeking. When I argue, part of me wants the person to understand the truth and their irrationality, and another side of me wants to defend myself. The defending myself part is self-seeking (most of the time). I recently read somewhere that our lives are supposed to reveal the life of Jesus. I knew this, but hearing it sounded different to me. The way we live our lives should make people see Jesus' life. It made me want to keep growing and becoming more like Jesus. Not settling for how I am now, but always seeking Him, wanting to reveal His love more and more.

By the way,
Delanco was GREAT. God is AWESOME. I was so much more confident spiritually.  God has taught me a lot in the past year about prayer and about His power. I felt I didn't have anything to fear and that praying for those girls was a privilege and that God answers prayer.

Community

I have been reading about community in the book Compassion by Henri Nouwen. It's been REALLY good and made me think a lot. First of all, it's made me think about how often we are bombarded with human suffering and how that leads to numbness. We can't as humans possibly care about EVERY problem and be compassionate because we constantly see suffering. It's revealed in television shows, on the news, and in movies. We hear about it and see it everywhere. How can we constantly care? Decreasing the amount of media one takes in would be helpful in decreased feelings of apathy. This has really made me think about how much media I want in my future and how much media I want my children to experience. I don't want them to be naive or extremely sheltered, but I want them to have compassion. 

Also, I read a part that talked about how important community is. It is pivotal and can also be different than what people picture when they think of community. Many people think you have to live with others to have community, but that is not always true. You can have community by having a deep knowledge that specific people care about you, want you in their lives, and are praying for you constantly. This makes me want to talk to my friends and be intentional about constantly praying for one another. This is important because having a strong community leads to compassion, which will benefit God's kingdom tremendously. Also, writing letters was talked about and this sparked a thought that we should write letters to each other. Giving updates, prayer requests, and joys and thankfulness to God and each other. We can't all be together this summer, but we can support each other and continue to have a community we know is supporting us and praying for us. 

Thank you, Lord, for where you have me

Sometimes we tend to forget thankfulness when it comes to the small things. We are always striving for more. What BIG lessons are we going to learn? Well, maybe there are small lessons and maybe we should be thankful for those. I've been slowly making my way through Bonhoeffer's Life Together and he talks about being thankful for the small things. A point he brings up is that if we cannot accept the small things God provides, why would he trust us to accept the big things? He hones in on community specifically, and states, "If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is not great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty" and if we "keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ". This makes me eager to pray more often for the Christian fellowship I am in both at school and at home. When first reading this, I was specifically thinking about my community at school, but I am HOME right now. I need to be where I'm at and remember to pray for my community here along with my community at school, so that we can continue to grow in all that the Lord has for us through Jesus.

Obedience

I'm reading Compassion by Henri Nouwen, Donald McNeill, and Douglas Morrison. It's been really good so far and has made me think a lot. Right now, I'm reading about Jesus being an Obedient God. The book talks about how the obedience to God that Jesus revealed is what truly sets him apart. The miraculous things he did did not set him apart and people didn't follow him because of his humility. His obedience to God to the point of suffering and death is what truly captures people's attention. This flipped on a switch in my head and made me realize that I have not had this mindset. I feel as if I've been seeking comfort and affirmation. I understand that God provides people and community and allows them to feel joy through that, but when that is sought out above other things and is made more important than obedience to God, problems arise. There will be times throughout my life where I will not be comfortable or affirmed, and I will need to be obedient to God still. This life is not about my comfort, but about God's kingdom. A part of the true compassion Jesus showed was complete obedience to God, even when it hurt. He was willing as well, it was not something that he dragged his way through and complained and whined about. No, Jesus was willing to be obedient even unto death, because of his love for us and for his father.

Time To Intentionally Process Again

  So, we are all taking alone time today to process the sermon from church today. We read Luke 16:16-31. Initial thoughts are that we talked about being effective stewards of the riches we've been given by God. These riches include but are not limited to gifts, strengths, relationships, and communities. I'm looking up the definition for steward. Here are some of the definitions: to supervise arrangements or keep order at; to manage or look after (another's property). How interesting that it says another's property. That seems to pull together exactly what the speaker was trying to say today. These riches are not our own. We must use them and manage them effectively. Also, we are like the rich man in the story if we believe that we deserve these riches or have earned them. We have done nothing to deserve such things; as a matter of fact, we have done everything to not deserve them. The speaker challenged us at the end of the message to take a look at our lives and figure out how we are managing what God has given us. How does God want us to manage these things? Another interesting thing that the speaker said was that we do not receive gifts in order to feel purposeful. I think that is a natural feeling when serving God and managing the riches he has blessed us with. But, he has given us these gifts to serve his Kingdom and his people. We tend to want to use the riches we have received to feel important and seem value. Truly, though, we have value because we are Christ's. We have identities in Christ and that is why we are important and that is truth. Now, how does this relate to my life? I need to be careful not to think I am worthy of being praised for the riches I have. They are not my own. I want to feel blessed to have been chosen by Almighty God to have these gifts and be trusted to use them to further his Kingdom. This is hard to do, but must be done. It is okay to celebrate these gifts and make sure you know them so that they are used effectively. I also think they help us understand each other more and work together well, but we must remember why we have them. It is hard not to use gifts to validate ourselves and compare ourselves with others. The only thing we can do it let God use these gifts and surrender them to his will. This is true freedom, isn't it? We were given gifts by God, so comparison is invalid. We were created for specific purposes, what will comparison do? Additionally, this relates to my life because I need to be intentional about how I am using the gifts God has given me. This could mean giving freely or holding back. How am I using the riches God has blessed me with to give to the Kingdom?

Beautiful Sounds

Today, a man in our class played guitar, played the harmonica, and sang two hymns for a morning devotional. It was really cool and he was really good. Something that struck me was the sound of the harmonica. I either haven't heard a harmonica in a while or haven't truly listened, but it has such a unique sound. The harmonica reminds me of longing. A longing for God and a deep thankfulness for his grace and assurance. It is so beautiful and sincere and deep. Here are the songs he played:

Blessed Assurance

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood. 

Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.


Amazing Grace

 Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

God's Eyes

Seeing people with God's eyes. This is something that I was reminded of yesterday as I was looking at the facebook of someone I went to high school with. She was a party girl in high school and I had heard a lot of crude things about her. As I was looking at her facebook page, I was reminded of how much God loves her. I love when God does that. He smacks you in the face with how much he cares about someone when you are thinking of all the things they have done wrong. I'm sure God doesn't look at her and falsely see only good things, but he does see her hurt and her scars and the places where truth became twisted by sin and evil. He loves her so much; he loves her as much as he loves me. I have been praying that I see God's people with his eyes and am able to love them the way he loves them. That will LITERALLY change the way you view someone. You can't think of someone the way God thinks of them and want to gossip about them or tear them down or judge them or hate them. You want to show them love and mend their wounds and heal their scars and untangle the mess of lies they live in.

Well, here it goes

I've finally created a public blog. After months of deliberation (I'm pretty indecisive), I have decided to start one. I have a private blog and my friends have been requesting a public one. So, here it is. We'll see how it goes. I keep my thoughts fairly private so putting them out for the public to see is kind of odd to me. I think I'll like it a lot once I get used to it. Enjoy!